M is for...

My mom is dying. Millions of moms have died throughout the centuries, but that's different; they weren't MY mom. Her battle with cancer is coming to an end. It's been a year and a half of her fighting for her life. Never have I known anyone that had such a resolve to live. But she fought as long and as hard as she could. There are so many thoughts I could write out about dealing with her mortality. Pictures from our family album come to mind, pictures of her at Christmas, with her family, as a teenager, even as a baby. Thoughts of the past make me emotional when I compare that vibrant woman to the one who is lying in a hospital bed graciously waiting to go be with Jesus. Thoughts of the future also get to me. Thanksgiving, Christmas... she won't be there, and I'm talking THIS Thanksgiving and Christmas. Amidst the sorrow of this season of life, my soul is at peace. She is ready to go, She is fearless in the face of death, for she knows her destination when she goes. She has always been a strong woman, and even while losing the fight against cancer, she is mom strong. I went to see her in the ICU ward. She didn't know I was coming. As soon as she saw me, she lifted her arms out from under the covers, tubes coming out from each limb, and she reached out to hug me. Mom 'till the end. I just cried. She said it would be okay. I know that. I'm not scared. I'm not angry at God, I totally trust Him with my mom, it's just emotional. She told me to tell my kids that she loved them very much and that she was sad that she wasn't going to be able to see them grow up. As I sobbed, I assured her they would know for the rest of their lives how much their Nanny loved them. So we're waiting. Mom said she didn't know what was taking God so long to take her, and that is hard because she is suffering, but I have to trust His higher ways. There is purpose for her life up to the very end. I told Mom I would miss her. No one prepares you to say that to your parent when you're facing losing them. She's only 67, but disease is no respector of persons. I am thankful for those 67 years. I am thankful for the faith she taught me to have in my God even when my heart is breaking. She's been saying ever since she knew she was done, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. I'm thrilled for her, bummed for me and my kids. "Precious in the eyes of the Lord is the death of the saints." Shirley Ann Couch, about to be more precious than ever.