Don't Just Barbecue

     We were reminded in church today by a former U.S. soldier that we don't necessarily say "Happy Memorial Day" on the last Monday of May, but rather, it is a time for remembering those who have served our country and paid the price for our freedom. Tonight I am remembering my father who served in the United States Navy during the Korean War.
     The last Christmas I spent with him (and I didn't know it would be my last at the time), I gave him a gift. The city of Cupertino has a memorial in the park where pavers can be purchased in honor of those who have served in the military. I wanted to, in a way, immortalize my dad and let him know what his service meant and what he meant to our family. So, I surprised him with a paver that had his name, rank, the years he served, and the sentiment, "We love you, Papa" engraved on it. He was a little overwhelmed by the gesture and mentioned what a meaningful gift it was.
     Not a month and a half later, I pulled up to the cemetery and saw his casket draped with an American flag, and I was proud. As part of the ceremony, that flag would be presented to a loved one and the U.S. Navy representatives asked who they should give it to since Mom was no longer with us. My first thought was, "Which sister should I give it to?" I was trying to keep the peace, but in a moment of positive selfishness, I said, "Give it to me."

     The moment came in the ceremony where the Navy men folded the flag and a bugler played the familiar and emotion evoking notes of "Taps." The only thing that could be heard was that bugle and quiet cries, yet it was such a peaceful moment. I had only witnessed these kinds of scenes in movies, but this tribute was for my dad. It was in real time and there was no way to stop the tears. Then the representative walked up to me, handed me the flag and expressed their appreciation on behalf of the President and the United States Navy for my dad's service. Then he saluted.
     This morning in church at they close of a wonderfully moving Memorial Day service, a lone bugler stood up and played "Taps," and I was instantly transported back to a very peaceful moment in a quiet cemetery on a slightly overcast day, and I was grateful. Thank you, Dad, for your service to our country. And thank you to all who have served and especially to those who gave all.

Reunited

   

     Marty and I were out of town for four days. Driving back from Sacramento, we were ready to see our kids. They would be in school when we pulled in, so we would have to wait for that bell to ring before we could squeeze them. Max is the first one dismissed, so we waited, counting down the minutes. He was one of the first out of his class and a big smile spread across my face. As soon as he saw us, he ran as fast as his little legs could take him right into my arms. I scooped him up and the tear ducts went to work. I put him down so he could greet his mom and the hugging was long and lingering. Ella was next on our list. I saw her jogging down the hallway, eyes peeled for her parents. Her jog turned into a sprint when she spotted us and she flew into my arms. Again, I passed her on to her mom so the love fest could continue.
     Julia didn't get out until a half hour later, but I couldn't wait. I knew her class was usually milling around the room this time of day doing busy work, so I poked my head in to catch a glimpse of my firstborn. Her back was to me and I paused for a moment, not sure if I should say anything. Some of her classmates saw me and watched with anticipation because I usually try to embarrass her in some way, so they know the drill. Instead, all I said was, "Julia." She turned around and said, "Dad," then she bolted from her desk and jumped on me like she was 3 years old again. I couldn't contain the tears. I had wondered if she was going to be "too cool" to display any kind of emotion when we picked them up, but she proved our strong connection by leaping into my arms in front of her whole class. It was an early Father's Day present, and as I recalled the moment throughout the day, I got choked up. It's always nice to have a little break from the kids, but there's nothing better than the reunion.
     We were all kind of quiet after picking up Julia, just wallowing in the moment, I guess, but as we walked to the car, I uttered, "All is right with the world."

Twelve Plus Months In The Making

     Over a year ago, I saw a post on facebook asking people if they wanted to participate in the first ever Rhodia Journal Swap. This sounded right up my alley, so I applied and was chosen as one of the 12 to receive a free journal from Rhodia, fill 6 pages and include a prompt for the next participant, send it to the next person on the mailing list and wait for another to show up in my mailbox. At the end, we should receive our own back filled with lots of goodies from 11 other artists/writers spanning the United States from California to Maine. The theme was "Favorite Things," and the only rules were to 1) be creative, 2) mail journals at the end of each month, and 3) post your pages on Tumblr (If you would like to see the other participant's contributions, click here).
     Some of the artwork presented was breathtaking. I was definitely in the company of some seriously talented people and felt a little dwarfed in the skill department by their pieces of work. Yet, they inspired me to branch out and do more than I would have. I have crossed paths with eleven strangers and really the only thing we know about each other is found in the pages of our "Webbies." It has been an unusual and rewarding experience, one I was proud to be selected for and glad to be a part of, yet one I would never do again. It was a great artistic outlet, but it took time. Two people dropped out which added a lot of confusion to the flow, but I was true to my commitment. This husband, father of three, pastoral counselor and president of a non-profit organization did all his pages. Here a some of them...

 

   
     Some participants have already received their own Webbie back. I can only hope mine makes it home. It has travelled all over the country. I wish I could have gone with it.
   

I was Surrounded

     Today my son had his birthday party. The menu was typical for a kid's celebration, junk food with a fruit salad thrown in just in case someone wants to make a healthy choice. After the kids had been served and were off for the next activity, I made my lunch and sat down at the kitchen table. I was surrounded by pizza, cookies, birthday cake, chips and soda. In the past, this would have been my lunch on this type of day, but not today. My meal consisted of 4 ounces of ground turkey on two corn tortillas with point 5 ounces of sour cream, some lettuce and salsa. And for dessert... 8 ounces of fruit salad. I'm the one making the healthy choice. I have been for several weeks now. I wasn't going to write about it just yet, but sitting at that table this afternoon surrounded by foods I would normally eat but didn't reach for... the visual struck me.
     Since accepting this new way of life, all my pants are falling off me now. My wedding ring slides right off my finger. I can see the weight loss in my face. I've never eaten so many salads. I'll share more later, but for today, I was surrounded by junk food and had not one bite of it, and finally, I was okay with that.

I Survived the 80's

   
     Sometimes the past pops up in your face and scares you to death. Somebody posted this picture on facebook of me from the early 80's. I believe I was in 9th grade. I believe my mom still bought my clothes... from Mervyn's... on clearance. I'm sporting Felix the Cat on my red Tee. He wasn't even popular in the 80's, but there he is on my chest. I'm wearing baby blue corduroys... with a brown belt, and I brought my own skates to "Christian Night" at Roller world in Concord, CA to save 75 cents on skate rental. My daughter was appalled by this picture. She didn't want to look at it. I exclaimed to her, "This is your father." She didn't care, she couldn't deal. "Try living it," I thought.
     Lots of feelings are stirred when I look at this kid. 9th grade was the worst year for me. "Bully" is kind of a buzz word nowadays, but they were alive and well in the early 80's. Trust me. My family was in chaos with tons of sibling drama. True friends seemed few and far between. To sum it all up, this kid was not happy. I really didn't know how miserable I was at the time because I had to numb myself to be able to get on the bus and get through another day of social awkwardness at school. Looking back, I realize just how much inner turmoil I was dealing with.  Even though I can laugh at myself and I don't mind this photo being displayed on my social network, it's not fun to remember what was going on behind that enormous pair of glasses.
     However, if you click back from this picture in my photos on facebook, you see this...

     This is redemption. This is what makes Junior High worth it. This is what I live for everyday (including my bride and my other daughter). This is what makes me believe my wife when she tells me that I get better looking as I get older! 

     I was doing a written exercise a while back and the question was, "If you could go back and tell your younger self anything, what would it be?" My answer was, "Hang in there, it gets better. Just wait and see who you get to marry and your three incredible kids." Yet, with all my blessings, it's still hard for me to wear corduroy pants anymore. 

     

   

Couch Family Year in Review 2012

     CNN has a news article that seems to appear on every page of their website: "Ted Dansen turns 65." Who cares? Lots of people have turned 65. Reading about the Couch's adventures and mishaps in 2012 is a lot more worthy of your time.

• Early in the year, Ella was chosen to be a part of the Young Author's Faire and read her original work in front of parents and students. Only two students are chosen per class, so we were right proud. Yet, while Ella was receiving an outstanding recognition, Marty and I got the bad parent award. We couldn't be there! We had a training on the calendar months before we knew about the Faire, so Gramma took Ella. 

• Speaking of training, Marty and I completed ours for becoming Sexual Addiction Specialists. After we finish our supervision, I will officially be a CPSAS (Certified Pastoral Sexual Addiction Specialist). I love having a bunch of letters behind my name that nobody knows what they mean!

• Speaking of letters behind my name, add M.A.R. to the list. A journey that started in 2008 came to completion in July. I received my Masters of Arts in Religion: Pastoral Counseling through Liberty University Online. I started at Assemblies of God Theological Seminary, but decided to go Baptist. Not really, but Liberty had the focus I wanted for my current ministry. 

• Speaking of our current ministry, Marty and I continued to see pastors and spouses in private counseling sessions, helping the hurting and bringing hope to the hopeless. I've had the great opportunity to travel and preach, speak at special functions, and once again do break-out sessions with Marty for our own denomination's District Council. We are definitely called to minister to the ministers.

• Speaking of ministers, Marty became a licensed minister with the Assemblies of God. Once again, she had to hit the books, study for her test, interview with a scary panel of pastors (actually, we personally knew all of them and felt very comfortable), and then received her certificate stating she is now the Reverend Marty Couch. We are all about more training and further equipping ourselves to be all that we can be in our ministry. 

• Speaking of the army... (officially done with the "speaking of's"). Max signed up for his first organized sport and played coach pitch/T-ball. He was a Marlin, and had a great time. I loved hearing him crack the bat on that ball. Carting him to games and practices showed us what is in store for us as our kids get more involved in extracurriculars. 

• We had to say a sad good-bye to Ingrid this year. Ingrid was our '98 Honda Accord (named after the lady who sold her to us). Ingrid served us well for almost 15 years until I ran her into a Cal-Trans trailer hitch that was sticking out in the middle of the freeway lane in the dark of early morning. But God redeemed the situation when a very kind couple from our former church gave us their 2000 Honda Accord AND we got a check from our insurance company. 

• Speaking of our former church... (Dang! Couldn't escape it). We had to make a change this year that wasn't fun. We said good-bye to Pathway Church in Redwood City after attending for over two years. After much prayer and conversation, we made the painful decision to leave our friends there and go to Bethel. As much as we didn't want to, we feel going to Bethel is fitting for this season of life, but we miss Scott and Sue Aughtmon and Brett and Jenny Moody and everyone else there. Pathway was definitely where we needed to be the last two years.

• Our family grew by one. Her name is Daphne. She cost us 26 cents. 

Best Books I read in 2012

Share Jesus Without Fear by William Fay (1999) was a very challenging and convicting read. It was one of my text books for seminary, but it reminded me what my job as a Christian is, not to "save" people, but share the love of Jesus. The author was a staunch non-Christian, until someone shared Christ's love with him, and then someone else, and someone else, until he finally accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior. I may not agree with all of his tactics, but I am inspired by his conviction and passion to be a witness for Christ.

Wherever I Wind Up by R.A. Dickey was the first book I cracked after graduating from seminary and it was an enjoyable autobiography of a professional baseball player who not only became known for mastering the elusive "knuckleball," but also had to overcome childhood sexual abuse, typical marital strife for a Major League ball player, and learning to walk with Christ. Dickey is a proficient writer making this an easy read.

Communicating for a Change by Andy Stanley and Lane Jones is an essential book for anyone who speaks publicly. Very practical and concise book. If the reader happens to hear a message from Stanley after reading Communicating,  they'll find he practices what he preaches which is what makes him an effective public speaker. 

A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser refined my philosophy of life. The book was birthed out of the tragedy the author experienced when a drunk driver struck his mini-van killing his mother, wife, and one of his daughters. He recounts how he walked through the tragedy and began healing while experiencing God's grace. It's hard not to pay attention to a man who's lived through this kind of trauma, and hard to believe he is a better man of faith after the experience. Very, very inspirational. 

Quotes I Read, Heard, or Said Myself

"He that has but one word of God before him and out of that word cannot make a sermon can never be a preacher." - Martin Luther

"The past is a foreign country. They do things differently there." - I. P. Hartley

"I can't change who I was but I can change who I am." T. S. C.

"The devil doesn't tempt with ugly." - Rick Fry

"The problem of expecting to live in a perfectly fair world is that there is no grace in that world, for grace is grace only when it is undeserved." - Jerry Sittser

"The greatest tragedy in life is the prayers that go unanswered because they go unasked." - Mark Batterson

     I'm expecting great things for the Couch's in 2013. I believe it will be a year like we've never experienced. The New Year will be happy, and it will be sad, but make it a joyful year regardless. 

The Best Gifts I Can Give

     Every once in a while I come up with a good idea. When my oldest daughter was born 10 years ago, I decided I was going to give her a greeting card on Valentine's Day, Easter, Christmas, and, of course, her birthday. In the card I would write my sentiments, my exact feelings in that moment about her. Then, I would save the cards and give them all to her when she was much older. I have done this for all three of my kids from the time they were born. At this age, a greeting card is not the most exciting thing about a holiday or their birthday. They politely acknowledge it, but soon, I find my very intentional gift laying on the floor somewhere while the kid is off playing with a new toy or trying on fresh clothes. That's when I go pick it up, and put it with all the other cards that have been collected and saved over the last ten years. It doesn't bother me. I know and understand that it's not a big deal to them right now... but it will be.

     I'm not sure exactly when I'll give each of them their own collection, but when that time comes, I know they will cherish them. A dad's words to his kids are so important, so impacting. I don't want my kids to ever wonder about how I felt about them. I want them to not only hear me say, "I love you," but I want them to have it in writing. And when I'm gone, they will never have to guess how much they meant to me, impacted me, and were cherished by me. Those "discounted"cards will one day mean the world to them because every child wants to hear good things from their dad. Toys break and become obsolete, clothes are grown out of and go out of style, but these cards are the best gifts I can give.
     It is Christmas Eve, and I have a stack of cards waiting to be addressed. Pardon me while I go gush over my babies. The card won't be the highlight tomorrow, but someday, it will be.

Peace and Quiet

     When I was a kid I used to ask my dad what he wanted for Christmas. He always said the same thing, and usually in a slightly exasperated tone: "Peace and Quiet." It was a little difficult to grant that Christmas wish with four kids residing in our home. And the fact that there were four kids bouncing off the walls or battling with each other probably caused his semi-terse response to my question. I get it now. I have three of my own, and I have been asked the same question. And on more than one occasion I have heard my dad's voice coming out of me and I have answered thusly: "Peace and Quiet."
     One year Dad got exactly what he asked for, though it may not have been what he had in mind. Marty found candles with the words "Peace" and "Quiet" printed on them and we gave them to Dad for Christmas. He chuckled after he opened them and I was pleased that I was finally able to give him something he really wanted for Christmas.
     After my dad's funeral a few years ago, we all went back to his house for a luncheon. My sister had placed those candles in front of a picture of him. I had to smile as I thought that Dad had finally got what he had requested.
     This Christmas, I wish for peace in your homes and quiet in your souls. God bless you all.

Top 5 Christmas Specials of All Time

When I was a kid, the CBS TV network had an intro for it's special presentations that would make me thrill whenever I saw it. It usually introduced a show that I could only see once a year since vcr's were not a household appliance at the time. That intro guaranteed that I would be captivated for the next 30 or 60 minutes. The drum beat, the graphics, the short musical riff got any kid of the 70's excited for what was about to happen. 

In this season of giving, I wanted to "give" you my opinion on what I believe are the best Christmas specials ever produced. Christmas movies are not included. That's a list for another time. So, sit back, relax, and get ready to agree or disagree. 

#5 Frosty the Snowman (1969)

This one is almost as old as I am, but has always been a part of my Christmas experience for as long as I can remember. Every kid wants a best friend, and who better than a magical snowman who can give the best belly flop rides around? Even though I knew how it ended, watching Karen cry over Frosty's demise in the greenhouse always tugged at my heartstrings. A timeless classic that my own kids now enjoy.

#4 How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)

The narration, the animation (classic Chuck Jones), the song!... all so very memorable. One aspect that makes this special so intriguing is the fact that the mean old Grinch has a pet dog. I guess everyone needs someone to pontificate to. Which brings us to Max the dog. His expressions are priceless making him a very memorable character in the Christmas special genre. Favorite line in the song: "You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch." And recording artists everywhere, quit trying to cover this tune. No one can touch the original with a... "39 and a half foot pole!"

#3 A Muppet Family Christmas (1988)

I recorded this charming TV special when it first aired and still have the vhs tape, complete with commercials from the 80's for Osh Kosh B'Gosh, Doublemint Gum with the Doublemint twins, and MnM's holiday candies. The commercials only add to the experience at this stage in the game. Four Muppet franchises are brought under one roof from The Muppet Show, Muppet Babies, Fraggle Rock and Sesame Street. The result is pure Muppet bliss. There are laugh-out-loud moments, plenty of Christmas songs, and this is one of the last Muppet productions that included Jim Henson before his untimely death in 1990. The home video release has been painfully edited down because of copyright issues, so I cherish my vhs copy. 

#2 A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

This holiday gem could be considered the one that started it all, and the one that almost didn't happen. The network was concerned about the "religious" aspect of the program, but Charles Schultz, creator of the Peanuts gang, insisted Linus' now infamous speech about the true meaning of Christmas stay in. The dance sequences, the brilliant jazz score that accompanies the animation, and Snoopy's ability to convey a complete personality without speaking a word all add up to make a classic that is practically on everyone's "favorite" list. 

#1 A Pinky and the Brain Christmas (1996)

Among other things, the chuckle factor of this cartoon lands it at number one on my list. The concept of two lab mice trying to take over the world always struck me as genius, so the concept alone is already funny. The plot involves Pinky and the Brain applying to be elves at the North Pole so Brain can slip in his blueprints for a doll that will obtain mind control after Santa delivers it to every home in the world, allowing the Brain to command the whole earth's population to obey his every command. The climax of the story is very touching which balances all the silliness of the show. The spirit of Christmas and friendship truly culminates in this underrated classic. 

Epilogue:   So where's Rudolph? Though I did enjoy the red-nosed reindeer growing up, I've lost interest, therefore can't put a special on my list that I feel I don't need to watch to make my holiday season complete. "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town?" Never really liked that one. Even as a kid, felt the back story of Santa was kind of contrived, even though I didn't know the meaning of the word. "Year without a Santa Claus?" The Heat/Snow Miser anthem is the best part of that one. The rest is so-so.  And I have absolutely no use for "Rudolph's Shiny New Year" or "Frosty Returns."

So there you have it. May all your Christmases be "special."  

My Side of the Tree

     Years ago I used to have a rule that no ornament went on the tree unless it was "Christmas-y." No sports figures, no movie characters, no inanimate objects unless they were covered in snow, red and green, or wearing a Santa hat. I have digressed since. Now the rule is, if I like it, it gets a hook. Therefore I want to present to you, "My Side of the Christmas Tree." Let's take a look, shall we?

My superhero ornaments are the main reason for the rule change. I love my superhero collection. They are predominantly from Hallmark who does a good job putting several out each year. Captain America is a cool, colorful ornament. I never was a big "Cap" fan when I read comics, but I always thought he was a stud. 

This Golden Age Wonder Woman ornament was one of my first purchases on Ebay years ago. I like my superhero stuff to be vintage, specifically the Bronze Age (the 70's-early 80's). 

Pac-Man was a huge part of my adolescence, so this piece is about recapturing some of my childhood. How many quarters did I stick in to that machine? Probably more than what I paid for this ornament. 

Last year, Hallmark produced this Green Lantern ornament, probably because of the release of the movie prior, but here's the deal with me and superhero ornaments: I do not buy ones based on the films.  Their costumes usually reflect the movie characters' and not the comic book's. I'm a purist. Don't like the modifications, but this GL is NOT Ryan Reynolds. Don't need a reminder of that milquetoast movie on my tree. 

This Batman and Robin set really fit the mold. Robin's cape is in great form. 

Had a huge crush on Catwoman because of Julie Newmar's portrayal in the old Batman TV series, and this design is straight from my comic book days. Sigh. 

I did read Marvel Comics as well as DC, but didn't buy Spider-Man mags. My son was really digging Spider-Man when this ornament came out, so I bought it in his honor. I do like the 3-D effect of him swinging through the buildings of New York. 

Everybody had a lunch box as a kid in the 70's. It's a shame I didn't have this one and I coveted the kid's who did. This is an exact replica of the Super-Friends lunch box (with Catwoman prominently displayed on the thermos! Sigh). 

I was a big Archie fan back in the day and bought this from a comic book shop in 1988. Still have the original box. It has been on my tree every year since acquiring it. There was a whole set including Jughead, Betty, Veronica, and Reggie. I should have sprung for them all. Thank God for Ebay. 

Hallmark did a short-lived series on comic book covers. The first one was a generic Superman cover that didn't represent any actual comic book issue. I have it, but it's not on the tree. This one depicts Spider-Man in his first appearance in Amazing Fantasy #15 in 1962. Love the way he's flying off the cover.

This Hulk cover is a little more understated than Spider-Man's, but still better than the Superman one!

  

And could this Avengers cover have been inspired by one of the biggest movies of all time? 

Here's Spider-Man with his most famous arch enemy, the Green Goblin. 

Harley Quinn wasn't originally in the comic books, but rather a character made for the Batman animated series in the early 90's. This ornament was an exclusive issue, limited quantity only available while supplies last. She didn't prove to be too popular as an ornament and I found her on the shelf way past the ornament premiere (when exclusives usually disappear). Wish she looked more like the cartoon character, so not one of my favorites. 

Batman and Robin in the Batmobile. This ornament was issued several years ago, but I just bought it online last year. 

I can't believe this ornament is on the tree. I debated because it is an excusive. It was available only at Comic Con 2010, made in limited quantities, and was not cheap online (I got it at one of the lower asking prices and I haven't seen it go for that low since). I ended up putting it on the tree because life is short. Might as well enjoy it rather than stow it in the closet and then die one day!

Just this month I found Jughead on eBay at a pretty good price. With shipping, he was only 10 bucks! His Christmas sack is full of hamburgers! 

Bought the Flash a year or two after his debut at a Hallmark store, so he was on clearance. Works for me!

This is one of the most dramatic superhero ornaments I have. Batman's cape is awesome in this design. Plus, his costume is all the right colors from when I read comic books. The Joker is in the bottom left corner of the shot. I always position Batman on the tree swooping down on his arch enemy. 

Just got this at Target. Not a huge fan of blown glass ornaments, but it suits the Superman insignia. 

Closing off my side of the tree with Superman from the now defunct WB store. Got this in the late 90's when my "Christmas-y" rule was still in tact. Love the "Peace on Earth" globe he's holding. 

     So, there you have it, my inner-geek displayed on our Tannenbaum. Merry Christmas!