Friday the 13th, Graduations, and Anniversaries

     June 13 is a significant date for me. I graduated from high school on Friday the 13th. I heard a rumor that some girl from another city wasn't allowed to participate in her graduation ceremonies because she was seated in the 13th row and the 13th chair. It also happened to be my parents' wedding anniversary. I was their fourth and only kid who walked the line, so I think that was a good present for them. As I waited for my name to be called, I tried to work up the nerve to take the mic and say "Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad." What would they do, take my diploma away? Suspend me? Suspend me from what? I was done with that place! I couldn't work up the nerve to step up to the mic, so I did the next best thing: I yelled my sentiment at the top of my lungs after receiving my diploma. Friday the 13th of June 1986 was a pretty good day all around.
     Twenty-four years later I found myself at a different kind of graduation ceremony. I had been on staff at one church for sixteen and a half years, but my last Sunday had come. So, on June 13, 2010, I said my final good-bye to that congregation. I felt like I had grown up there. Lots of milestones occurred for me. I was married, all three of my kids were born, I lost my parents... In my last sermon I told the church the story about my high school graduation and how I screamed my congrats to my parents. And since I was graduating from that place on the same date, I whispered through my tears as I looked up to heaven, "Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad."
     In summary, June 13 is a significant date for me... Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad.

To Zzzz or Not to Zzzz?

I'm at my mother-in-laws' house with my oldest daughter. The other two are staying at their cousins' tonight. I had some fund-raising appointments and I brought the kids along so they could have extended family time and to give my wife a couple days of peace and rest. Julia usually shares a bed with her sister here at Gramma's, but Ella is not here. I was tucking Julia in and she subtly let me know that she didn't want to sleep by herself all the way down the long hallway where her room is when she stays here. I asked her if she wanted to sleep with me. "Maybe." She's too cool to admit she's a little afraid to sleep alone. She won't dare admit that she misses her sister. But she clearly conveyed that she still needs her dad. So, I'll be bunking with my daughter tonight. It may not be the most restful night of sleep for me, but sleep wasn't the priority when these new arrangements were made. Good night.

I Like Now

I was thumbing through an old journal today. One entry was dated December 26, 2000. That date is very significant to me now since it is my firstborn's birthday, but looking at that date with a 2000 following reminded me we didn't have children at that juncture. It was like I went back in time but I wasn't comfortable doing so. Going back there meant I didn't have my kids yet. We still lived in a one bedroom apartment. We had only been married three years. December 26 only meant "Boxing Day," the day after Christmas, a big shopping day, the day to drive back home from whatever relative's house we were staying at for the holidays. That was it. Nothing more. There was no baby crying in the middle of the night, no poopy diapers, no trips to the emergency room, no sibling in-fighting, no scrambling to make lunches and rushing out the door for school, no time outs, no Hannah Montana marathons on Netflix, no force feeding vegetables, no multiple cases of strep throat, no constant potty talk, no squabbling over toys or TV remotes,  no incessant messy bathrooms, no hair ties and legos scattered... It was just... Boxing Day. It was quieter, more peaceful, serene... Life was calmer and less chaotic. I like now.

NOT

I was on the road the last two days and found myself in three different environments that were perfect for writing in my journal; alone in a house out in the country with a fire going, a mellow coffee shop (Starbucks is NOT a mellow coffee shop), and a lavish hotel lobby with no one around. One problem, I did not have my journal! I posted on facebook about these various locations and how great they were for journaling. Then someone asked me, "Where do you NOT like to write in your journal?" Hmmm...
The shower.
In an uncomfortable chair.
In a moving vehicle (though I have written on planes on several occasions).
Lying on the floor.
In dark places (can't see).
At a concert.
On a roller coaster.
In a box with a fox.
In places where journals are outlawed.
The grocery store.
A movie theatre.
In a tree (I'd fall trying to balance the journal on my knee, probably).
In windy places (blows the pages over).
In a stockade.
Needles, CA.
Turkish prisons.
Wal-Mart.
Fabric stores.
The post office.
Happy Feet (the foot massage place. They hurt!).
Sitting on barbed wire.
Next to the cat litter box.
In an earthquake (makes my writing messy).
The 13th floor of hotels.
The basement in the Alamo.
At the Hunger Games.
Angelina Jolie's house.
On Star Tours.
Where there's no bathroom close by.
At my next door neighbor's house (that would be awkward).
The Motown Cafe (because it closed down right before I got to New York. Still upset about that).
The bank.
While surfing.
Hanging upside down.
In hell.

My Heart Soared

     I had always wanted to be the father of a son. I adore my girls and wouldn't trade them for anything, but there was a part of me that wanted to make up for what I felt I missed in my relationship with my dad. If our third would have also been of the female persuasion, I would have been completely fine with that. Girls rock! Girls rule and boys drool (which is actually true, I've come to find). But I still wanted a drooling boy. When Marty was having her ultra sound for her third pregnancy, we wanted to know. The tech performing the ultra sound was kind of cranky and not very personable. She didn't ask if we wanted to know, so as she worked, I finally asked, "Can you tell us if it's a boy or a girl?" "You want to know?" she asked. Um... I wouldn't have asked if... YES, we want to know! Then she very cooly said, "It's a boy." And my heart soared.
     Fast forward 6 years. We went to Max's first baseball practice this week. I never played any organized sports but I always wanted my kids to have the experience. I had so many unspoken desires for that first practice. Max didn't have to be the best, but I didn't want him to be... the least experienced. I wanted him to enjoy it. I wanted him to go on with it through the years and have that team photo on the mantle along with his individual shot with him holding the bat over his shoulder. I wanted to be there for him. I wanted to cheer him on and encourage him when he made an error.
     Max stepped up to the plate, first time batting off a pitcher. First pitch, swing and a miss. Second pitch, the same. Third pitch, CRACK, ball goes flying over his coach's head with a repeat performance the next time he was up to bat. And just like that ball, my heart soared.
     His first game is tomorrow and I'm excited. But today is his birthday, and we get to mini golf with three of his friends from school and eat pizza. Today we celebrate Max Colby Couch. Happy Birthday, my son.

   

God Moments

     I was traveling last week and the next appointment had me in Roseville, CA. I don't get out to Roseville much. In fact, I believe it's been well over a decade since I've set foot in that town. I don't even drive through it. My journeys just don't take me there, until last Friday. I was meeting a couple at 11:30 but I had 20 minutes before the appointment so I walked into an unfamiliar coffee shop hoping they had WiFi. I went to order something and a young man approached me. He took my order, engaged in small talk, and then said "You look very familiar." I mentioned that I had been thinking the same thing. "What's your name?" I asked. He told me and the light came on. He used to be in my friend's youth group back in my youth ministry days so we had done summer camps together and the like. He was also my friend on facebook, but being out of context I didn't recognize him instantly. He came around the counter and gave me a hug and was able to sit with me for a while. He shared that he had been dealing with a lot lately, and that last week was the worst week of his life.  He had called his former youth pastor to talk about his issues, issues that my current ministry addresses. Knowing this, his youth pastor said he needed to give me a call. That was the week before, and there I was sitting across from this young man last Friday. He said he felt God had brought me there that day. I was in full agreement as I listened to him talk. I gave him my phone number. I'm waiting for his call.
     I left that coffee shop in amazement. God knew. He knew that kid's work schedule and what my calendar had for me that day. Being 20 minutes early, the coffee shop, Roseville... God was aware of it all. When I told Marty about it, she commented on how much God cares about us to orchestrate such a meeting. I agree. He cares so stinkin' much.

Pig-pen Part 2 (or Sobered by a Stranger)

     In my last post, dear readers, I left you in the parking lot of Jack in the Box, humiliated and vowing never to return, but there was always Taco Bell down the road.
     One Sunday evening, I decided to write the 12 steps down in my journal along with a scripture and I prayed for God's help. As I worked my way through the steps I stopped myself because I wasn't ready to give over my late night eating binges. In fact, I was looking forward to having a couple beefy crunch burritos in a couple hours (after everyone had gone to bed).
     Later that evening, I was checking my facebook and I met Kristian.

     Kristian made a birthday video for his wife that became quite popular on the internet. What can't be seen in the tribute is Kristian was battling bowel cancer at the time the video was made. This man immediately got my attention. The video was moving and intriguing and pulled on the heartstrings when he incorporated his two young sons at the end. I was compelled to learn more about Kristian's story. Marty had recently told me about cancer and how sugar can exacerbate it. Mm hmm. Then I got an automated email from some fitness dude that discussed research dealing with sugar and cancer. Coincidence? Then I met Kristian.
     I found the blog he started once he was diagnosed. I read what his reaction was when he first found out. I discovered a man who had his faith securely in God and would believe for healing. I read about his fears, not of dying, but of leaving his young family without a husband and father. And I was sobered when I read his very last entry, posted by his wife after he had died on January 2, 2012 at the age of 36.
     I went to bed that night and laid my head on the pillow with my eyes wide open. Kristian did not choose to have bowel cancer, yet I was choosing destructive behavior regardless of the consequences. Kristian did not want to leave his family, but I wasn't insuring that I would be around that much longer if I continued doing what I was doing. I realized I couldn't keep living like that. Tomorrow was going to be different.
     It has been two weeks since meeting my life-saving friend Kristian, and I am happy to say that I have not patronized a fast food restaurant since. No soda has touched my lips. No candy has been consumed. We had cake at church last week and I passed. And I made a lofty goal. As much as I love candy, I resolved to not eat one piece of holiday candy for the entire year of 2012. No Valentine's, no Easter, no Halloween or Christmas candy allowed. It will be a first, and if you know me, this is huge because I've been known to hit the clearance shelves after the holiday and stock up on the sweets.
     Kristian is one of my best friends that I will never meet here on earth. He was my bucket of cold water and he has impacted my life drastically. I am so glad I ran across his story and I look forward to thanking him someday in heaven... but not any time soon.
 

A Friend in Pig-pen Pt. 1

     I've long been fond of the character Pig-pen from the Peanuts comic strip. One cartoon shows him clean himself up, go outside, and as he walks only a few steps, he is back to his same dirty self. Even when he tries to be well-groomed, life just makes him messy again. I can relate to Pig-pen. Just when I've cleaned up one area of my life, there's another that needs tending to.
     I'm about to get vulnerable, fair warning. However, I know as I share out of my weakness and brokenness, it will connect with someone else's and offer them hope (which, I guess, has become my mantra). It is no secret that I'm a recovering addict and I thank God for sobriety and healing in certain areas of my life. But addicts are known to struggle with more than one addiction, or trade one for another. And I'm humbled to admit that's me.
     My eating habits never really matured. I'm not a big fan of salads, always preferred regular sodas over diet, and helped myself to something sweet to eat after a meal. For the last few years I have been dealing with aspects of food addiction. I hesitate when I think of typing the details because it's embarrassing... I got into the habit of waiting until everyone was in bed at night, sneaking out and driving to a nearby fast food joint, and bringing home an entire meal to consume in front of the TV. This would happen at least three or four times a week.
     Marty and I would have discussions around my diet and I would brush off her concerns or admit I needed to change, but nothing ever really stuck. I knew she was worried about me, but it still wasn't enough to make me do something about my issue.
     One night I pulled up to the window at the Jack in the Box that is two blocks away from my house. The worker greeted me warmly and asked,"Are you coming from home?" "Yes," I said. "You're earlier than usual," she observed. And at that, I was humiliated. That was as bad as it could get. The drive-up window attendant knew me on sight and knew my late-night routine. As I drove away, I told myself I would never patronize that place again. And I haven't been back since. Maybe I wouldn't be as familiar at Taco Bell down the road...
     To be continued...
   

2011 Year in Review

     I am approaching the final hour of 2011. I'm in a place with passed out people and balloons strewn around (translation: my kids are asleep and the remnants of Julia's birthday party are all about the floor). I choose to quietly ring in the new year as I sit in "Chaz," our chair and a half... Yes, I named a piece of furniture because I got tired of writing in my journal, "As I sit here in our chair and a half..." It was a quieter year for the Couch's, thank God, but there are still some monuments worth revisiting...

• Marty became an adjunct professor at Western Seminary, her alma mater. My amazing wife is teaching graduate level courses. She's incredible.
• I became a substitute teacher and passed my CBEST test, quite a personal accomplishment for me since math was involved.
• Marty and I presented our ministry through seminars, sermons, speaking engagements and break out sessions throughout the year and continued our counseling seeing couples in need. 

• Both Julia and Ella had pieces of artwork selected by their teachers to be displayed in the city's art museum. Only two kids were chosen per class, so to have both of my daughters in different grades selected made me right proud. 

• Both Julia and Ella were given the President's Silver award at the end of the school year for academic excellence. Again, only two students per class are given these awards and, again, both my girls scored one (Julia's third to date). How did this Oakie get such smart yungins? 
• Max graduated from Village Little Pre-school and became a model for the school when they blew up a banner with his picture on it and hung it on the front of our former church. He is literally larger than life. 
• I became a US missionary with our denomination, specialized chaplaincy department, further defining our ministry and giving it more structure. 
• With God's help, I was able to complete seven graduate courses going towards my Master's in Pastoral Counseling. Four more to go and I'll be done in May. So excited.
• God has faithfully and miraculously provided for us as we have continued to walk by faith. I've heard others say "I don't know how we made it financially..." and that is our testimony as well. He is truly our provider. All thanks and glory to Him. 

Best Quotes of 2011

     Here are some nuggets I heard or heard myself saying through the year...

     "Don't be yourself, be better than that." - Jenny Conlee

     "You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better." - Maya Angelou

     "The enablement derived from the experience of suffering permits us to minister to other people more effectively than the most powerful sermon." - Ronald Hawkins

     "The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do." - Mark Twain

     "I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble." - Helen Keller

     "Be profound, be funny, or be quiet." - Unknown

     "I can blame no one for what I do with (my life). I can blame them for what they do to me, but I cannot blame them for what I do with what they do to me. I am responsible for how I respond." 

 - Dr. Henry Cloud

     "Honest doubt may be a truer religious attitude than superficial belief." - taken from Old Testament Survey

     "Don't waste a perfectly awful circumstance that can push you into God's presence." - T.S.C.

     "Own only what is true about you, the good and the bad, and not what people merely think about you, the good and the bad." - T.S.C. 

     I don't believe in the sentiment "Happy New Year." The truth of the matter is there will be happy times, and there will be tears. So make it a joyful New Year no matter what it brings. God be with us.

Nine

     Julia's life didn't start out very smoothly. Marty had already suffered two miscarriages before Julia's conception, and anything that was out of the ordinary in that first tri-mester made us nervous. We had some tests done during the pregnancy and the results took us to see a genetics specialist. She told us our baby was missing something important and the result could be this or that and later on in life this could happen, or at the very least she could be a carrier of this.  That being said, she gave us the option to terminate the pregnancy. Of course we didn't even consider it, yet we prayed that Julia's life would be in God's hands.
     When she was born, she was beautiful, but doctors and interns kept coming in and checking her legs and it was soon determined that she had congenital hip dysplasia (the ball and socket in her hip wasn't done cooking since she was three weeks early). This meant she would have to be fitted for a brace to keep her legs in a position that imitated the womb so her joint could develop properly. Marty had this same condition when she was a baby and it led to her being in a half body cast for a good part of her toddling years, so we were a little uneasy about Julia's condition.
     At the age of two months, Julia couldn't hold anything down and started losing weight when babies are supposed to be gaining. After a trip to the doctor, they admitted her to Stanford Hospital because she was diagnosed with pyloric stenosis. A surgery was scheduled to fix the problem and then she was fitted for her brace.
     There were several follow up appointments for her hip and also for the original concerns when she was still in Marty's tummy. We were told to watch her at certain stages of her life, and if she was advancing normally, then no need to worry.
     Julia has grown into a beautiful and active young lady. When she was in kindergarten and turned out to be the tallest girl in the class, I remembered her backstory and the genetics counselors "offer," and it made me shudder. When she does cartwheels and backbends I recall the brace that held her legs in captivity when most babies that age are kicking their feet just because.
     Two years ago I was asked to speak at a High School Christian Club's event The gym was full of public school students and I was asked to share something about God that would possibly speak into these students' lives. I decided to tell Julia's story, from genetics counselor's office to that day, and I had brought a special guest with me. I pulled my daughter out of school to be my sermon illustration, and after the kids heard about her rough beginnings, I had Julia walk up and join me in that gym. As she did, the high school students started applauding and some were wiping their eyes.
     Afterwards, one of the leaders of the Christian Club told me that a friend had said he didn't really believe in God, but after hearing Julia's story and seeing her walk up there, he was starting to believe. She was already ministering as a 7 year old (and even before that).

     Today is my baby girl's birthday. She is nine, and I love her with all my heart. And, you know, I look at her, and it makes me believe in God, too. Happy Birthday, Babe.