Shocking Study Reveals Most People Don't Actually "LOL"

Santa Clara, CA
A recent study has shown that most people do not actually laugh out loud when they type the popular abbreviation "lol." A survey of one thousand texters and facebook users revealed that only 48% of those who  typed "lol" actually laughed out loud. "This is not good," said Artie Malone of The Next Text Communications Group. "If people continue to type 'lol' without actually laughing out loud, it can cause an overuse of the term, depleting  the surplus of the letters "l," "o," and "l," which would cause a shortage of these letters. The end result would be said letters would not be available for those who are actually laughing out loud and wish to express that through a text or type." Malone stated that the situation is especially critical when people flippantly type "lololololololololololol." He says, "First of all, using that many of the letters in danger is wasteful and careless, like the person who cleans off his driveway by spraying it with the water hose. And secondly, how is it possible to 'laugh out loud out loud out loud out loud?' People just aren't being very conscientious when they type or text, and this needs to change."
     An anonymous high school-aged girl from the survey was asked if she was worried about the misuse of the phrase. "I'm not worried," she said. "If we run out of those letters, we'll make up other names for stuff. No one calls them lollipops anyway. They're suckers."
     A parent was asked if they were concerned about their teenager abusing the term. "It's alarming," said a mother of two middle school students." "If they're not actually laughing out loud when they say that they are, then how do I know they're going to school when they say they are going to school?"
     "If this continues, legislation may be passed to regulate the use of 'lol'," Malone said. "It has been reported that there have been less traffic accidents since the passing of the law banning people from using their hand held cell phones while driving. We're hoping for similar positive results."
     In the meantime, Malone says texters and facebook users can all help by not typing "lol" unless they actually laughed out loud. "If people will be honest about what they're typing, this problem will rectify itself." He further suggests that if someone actually does laugh out loud and wants to type or text "lol," to add an "ir" at the beginning of the phrase that would indicate "I really laughed out loud." "Everyone wins this way," he says. "It promotes honesty in communication, it does not leave the recipient of the message wondering if their friend or relative actually did laugh out loud, and it will promote conservation of the endangered letters."
     When asked about the less used term "rofl," (and the sometimes used "roflmbo,") Malone said the concerns aren't as tantamount at this point. "'Rofl' isn't used as often as 'lol,' so we're not that concerned yet. However, the study shows only 27% of people who type 'rofl" actually roll on the floor laughing. To prevent a future concern, we offer the same counsel, only type 'rofl' if you actually rolled on the floor and laughed. And in regards to 'rolling on floor laughing my butt off,' it isn't medically possible so the phrase should be legally banned. We're working on getting that law passed."